Wacky Upside Down World
by Claefaece
Summary: An Alternate Universe where Kaiba is a paragon of niceness and Yuugi's a cruel thug? You bet!
1. Meet Mr Yuugi

Gozaburo Kaiba was kind-hearted, as well as a fantastic businessman. He spent his life teaching his adopted son, Seto, about what he knew of games, business and life. His untimely passing left Seto wondering where he should take his father's company. Seto decided gaming was the way to go.

Quickly the new direction of Kaiba Corp. lead to maximum profits and it soon saw success like never before. But the success didn't go to Seto's head. He stayed in school and made sure he took time out to spend with his little brother, Mokuba. When he wasn't working, or taking care of his brother, Seto liked to play Duel Monsters. He was quite good at it, and had assembled an exquisite deck.

Every day in study hall, Seto would sit, pretending to read Nietzsche, while he watched the other students duel. He was too shy to approach them and duel himself, so he just sat and watched. In one such study hall, he overheard a duel between a kid named Yuugi and his friend. Yuugi mentioned his grandfather ran a gaming shop, and kept there an extremely rare card. He thought, perhaps, he'd like to add the card to his collection.

After school that day, Seto came to the shop, prepared to pay any price. He walked into the shop to see that the only ones there were the shop owner, and his grandson and his friends.

"Good afternoon," Seto said, bowing slightly.

"Good afternoon!" answered the elderly shop keeper.

Seto walked to the counter, slowly looking around at the games and posters.

"Aren't you Seto Kaiba?" Yuugi asked.

"Y-yes. Hello—Yuugi was it?"

"It was," he responded, smirking, before nudging Jonouchi with his elbow. The two looked at each other and chuckled.

Seto turned his attention back to the shop keeper. "I overheard that you have a rare card."

"Yes," responded the old man. "Was Yuugi blathering on about it again?"

"It appears so," Seto told him, smiling. "I was interested in purchasing it. May I see the card?"

"Oh, certainly!" The old shop keep reached under the counter and produced a little box, which he opened to Seto.

"A Blue-Eyes?!" exclaimed the boy billionaire. "Amazing! Are you interested in selling it?"

"How much are we talkin'?" asked the old game shop keeper.

"I'm willing to offer you 400, 000 yen," Seto said.

"Sold!" exclaimed the old man, handing him the card.

"Thank you," Seto said, bowing.

"Grandpa! You idiot!" exclaimed Yuugi. "You promised me that card, you—"

"Well, if it's your card," said Seto, raising his eyebrows. "I'd be willing to give it back."

"Nonsense!" interjected Yuugi's grandpa. "I'll give Yuugi a different card—that one's yours."

"Thank you. Are you sure I'm not—"

"Grandpa, you bastard! That was supposed to be mine!" yelled Yuugi, balling up his fists.

"If it's a problem," began Seto again.

"It's no problem," Yuugi's grandpa insisted. "Bye now."

"Uh... you sure?"

"Yep. Good bye!"

Seto frowned. "Thank you once again," he said with a bow. "Good bye."

He exited the game shop and climbed into his limo, staring at the Blue Eyes White Dragon in his hand, and smiled. Back in the Kame Game Shop, things were not as happy.

Yuugi slapped his grandfather across the face as, behind him, Jonouchi and Honda cracked their knuckles.

A few days later, the phone in Seto's office rang.

"Hello?" said Seto, picking it up.

"Hello, Kaiba," said a voice on the other end. "Seen Mokuba lately?"

"What? Well, no…"

"If want to see him alive again," said the other party. "You'll come to the park prepared to duel."

"I—I don't understand!"

With a click, the voice on the other end hung up. Seto stood up quickly, threw on his coat, grabbed his briefcase, and rushed out the door.

Kaiba arrived at the park, minutes later, to discover Yuugi and his thuggish friends waiting for him around a picnic table. Between Honda and Jonouchi stood Mokuba, gagged, beaten and bound.

"Glad you could make it, Kaiba," said Yuugi, and his voice and posture was somehow different.

"Yuugi? But what is this all about?!" asked Seto, blue eyes wide with confusion.

"It's a simple game, Kaiba. And the stakes are even simpler," answered the shorter boy. "If I win, I get your—or, rather, my—Blue-Eyes. If _you _win, we'll return Mokuba… and leave you unharmed."

"But the Blue-Eyes is mine," Seto said. "Your grandpa sold it to me…"

"His grandfather's a fool!" spat Jonouchi.

"And he's been… taken care of," added Honda. The two thugs chuckled and, in-between them, Mokuba whimpered.

"Alright, Kaiba. We'll play Duel Monsters," said Yuugi, eyes glinting maliciously.

The pair set their decks down on opposite sides of the table. Dark clouds formed around them slowly, enclosing them in a dark purple pocket universe. They shuffled and drew.

"You go first, Kaiba," said Yuugi.

"Fine," said Seto, looking over his hand. He laid a card down forcefully. "I summon Judge Man!"

With a brilliant flash, the monster from the card appeared before him. Seto gasped and nearly fell backwards. "The monsters—they're real?" he said.

"Oh, yes, Kaiba," smirked Yuugi pulling a card from his hand. "And so is this!"

Black Magician appeared before the Judge Man. With a blast of magic from his hand, he shattered Seto's monster. A sharp pain ran through Seto's heart.

"I can feel its pain!" cried Seto clutching his chest.

"That's right, Kaiba," said Yuugi, shifting the cards in his hand around. Unknown to Seto, he slipped a card from his sleeve to his hand. "Your move, Kaiba!"

"I summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon," grunted Seto, placing the card on the field.

"Look, Mokuba," sneer Jonouchi, grabbing the younger boy the back of his neck. "Your pathetic brother's trying to save you with his stupid dragon card."

"Leave Mokuba alone!" exclaimed Seto, turning his face to Jonouchi. In his moment of distraction, he didn't see Yuugi slip three more cards from his sleeve and replace them with the cards in his hand. The brown-haired boy turned back. "Blue-Eyes, attack his Magician!"

The Black Magician exploded and Yuugi grunted. He drew a card, purple eyes locked on Kaiba.

"Yuugi's beaten you already, Kaiba!" shouted Honda, thrusting one fist in the air.

Kaiba turned to him. "But I'm ahead in the points, with one of, if not _the_, strongest monsters in the game!" he said, frowning.

Quickly, Yuugi replaced the card he'd just drawn with the last one he'd hidden in his sleeve. "But you don't have this!" he exclaimed, laying down his five cards. "Exodia!"

Kaiba's eyes widened in childish amazement. "But, that's an even rarer monster than Blue-Eyes White Dragon!" he said, leaning forward. "How did you manage that?"

"With the power of Friendship!" said Yuugi boldly.

"Yeah, Yuugi!" cheered Jonouchi, shaking Mokuba by the back of the head.

"You're the best, Yuugi!" joined in Honda, pushing Mokuba to the ground.

"Exodia," said Yuugi, thrusting out one hand. "Show his punk ass what's what around here!"

The monster lifted his hands, chains clinking, and blew Seto's dragon away with a mighty blast that brought Seto himself to the ground, clutching his abdomen. He staggered to his feet again. "What an amazing deck," he choked.

"Yeah—better than yours," Yuugi smirked. He lifted his hand. "Now, time for the Batsu Game. MIND CRUSH!"

With a pained gasp, Seto fell to the ground again. The clouds dissipated and Yuugi became himself again. He turned to Jonouchi and Honda with a smile. "Take his cards and work his kidneys," he said.

"You go it, Yuugi!" they cheered in unison.

Yuugi wandered over to Mokuba. "Your brother's a sad little man," he said, kicking Mokuba in the chest. Mokuba whimpered in pain and, laughing, Yuugi began to walk away.


	2. Bakura to the rescue!

Pegasus J. Crawford was charming man, married to his lovely wife, Cyndia. Together they travelled the world—Bangladesh, China, France. But their most important trip was in Egypt, where they discovered the inspiration for Pegasus' greatest triumph: Duel Monsters. He also acquired a gold trinket there—the Sennen Eye, which he set upon the mantle over his fireplace.

Duel Monsters made Pegasus even richer than he once was. And he felt that he'd gotten enough money that he and his wife could live comfortably—maybe with a few kids a couple years down the line—and so he decided that he could afford to share it with the best players of his card game. He would start a tournament called Duellists' Kingdom for this purpose.

Yuugi heard about this tournament and figured it was a quick way to make money _and_ get rare cards. Unfortunately, Yuugi didn't receive an invitation, but it was easy enough to get, after he and his friends paid a "visit" to Seto's hospital room. Soon, they were on the ship to Pegasus' island, whereon he picked up a new member of his gang—a hookerish woman named Mai, who also had a fondness for money and beating the shit out of people.

On the island all went smoothly for Yuugi. He and Mai crushed their opponents—and made furious love in front of Jonouchi and Honda, who snickered and took pictures. But, unbeknownst to them there was another watching them make love.

Ryou Bakura was a quiet boy in Yuugi's class. He had heard of what Yuugi had done to Seto, and it concerned him. He wanted to stop Yuugi from doing it to anyone else, so he stowed away on the boat and followed Yuugi across the island.

He finally caught Yuugi alone that night, after he'd gone into the woods to take, in his words, "a monster-sized piss", and that's when he decided to make his move.

"Here's our chance," the spirit of the ring told Ryou. "Ready, Aibou?"

"You know it, Mou Hitori No Boku," Ryou answered.

The ring glowed slightly, and the light caught Yuugi's abnormally large eye. He spun around. "Who the hell's there?" he demanded. "If you're watching me piss again, Jonouchi, I swear I'll shove Honda right up your ass!"

"Yuugi!" Bakura said, stepping out of his hiding place. "You have trespassed in the souls of everyone you've ever cheated in a game against! You must play a Batsu Game with me!"

"It's not cheating," Yuugi said defensively. "It's just a loose interpretation of the rules!"

"Batsu Game!" Bakura said.

"Oh, fine, Batsu Game. Whiney little bitch."

Yuugi transformed into his other self—the one from the previous chapter that hid Exodia up his sleeves. "A Batsu Game it will be," he said, standing sexfully. "What're the stakes, douchebag?"

"I'm not a douchebag," Bakura said.

"Of course you're not, Mou Hitori No Boku!" exclaimed Ryou inside of Bakura's head.

"The stakes are this," Bakura said, directing his words toward Yuugi. "If I win, you announce the world that you cheated against Kaiba."

"And if I win?"

"…there has to be a stake for that? Oh, fine. What do you want?"

Yuugi paused, stroking his chin. "Hm… perhaps," he said. "I get to kill you?"

"I hardly think that's fair," Bakura interjected.

"Don't worry, we can beat him!" Ryou said.

"…why the hell should we risk our _life_ on that? You're being an idiot, Aibou," Bakura said. He addressed Yuugi again. "Something else, man. That's… That's really not a fair stake."

"Uh, fine. Pussy," Yuugi answered, stroking his chin again. "How about… I break your right arm? And shove it so far up your ass that you can taste your fingertips! …they'll taste like poo, by the way."

"I don't think that's physically possible," Bakura said. "But… you can try, I guess. I mean, the first part about the arm breaking seems both fair and humanly possible. Maybe just settle for that bit?"

"It is done!" Yuugi exclaimed. "Though, I will try the last bit. What's the game?"

"Dungeons and Dragons," Bakura answered.

Yuugi snorted. "Oh my god, you're such a nerd," he said. "That's lame, and 'no'. How about this? We'll draw cards and highest attack wins!"

"But, damn it, I brought my gnolls and black dragon and everything!" exclaimed Bakura. "Urgh, fine…"

"Me first!" Yuugi said, pulling out his deck and drawing the top card. "Blue-Eyes White Dragon!"

"That's a tough one to beat," Ryou said to Bakura. "But we can do it with the power of Friendship!"

Bakura frowned. "Aibou," he said. "There are only like five cards with a higher attack. We're pretty boned at this point."

"But… Friendship!"

"I should think logic's a better asset, wouldn't you?" Bakura said. He drew a card off the top of his deck. "…fucking Man-Eater Bug. Hey, my monster's effect could beat your monster? Does that count?"

"Fuck no, bitch! Now bend over so I can re-define fisting for you!" Yuugi exclaimed smirking.

Jonouchi and Honda approached the pair, chuckling as usual. "Heh," Jonouchi said. "Mai's sleeping without her shirt on!"

"It's freakin' hot!" Honda said.

"Then why the hell are you out here?" Yuugi asked, raising an eyebrow as he grabbed Bakura's arm and snapped it.

"…to tell you about it," Jonouchi said.

Yuugi transformed back into his usual self. "Why would _I_ have to know about it?" he asked. "I was just going to walk back to camp and do her again."

"I dunno," Jonouchi said sheepishly. "You told us to keep you posted of developments in your diabolical plan… What are you doing with that guy's arm?"

"Diabolical plan…?" muttered Honda.

"Oh, he lost so I broke his arm," Yuugi said, beaming. "Could one of you shove it up his ass for me? I do not have time. Hot sex is waiting."

"Will do, Yuugi," Jonouchi said, and turned to Bakura. "Okay, bend over so I can re-define fisting for you!"


	3. So very dead

Ryou Bakura had been a lonely child—his father was always away, and his sister, whom had always been his best friend, had died at a young age. He spent his time alone, playing board games and collecting figurines. That was, until his father brought home a gift for him from Egypt—a golden ring. Within the Sennen Ring, Ryou found a constant companion in the spirit of the Thief King Bakura.

The spirit of the ring gave him someone he could always talk to. He didn't gain any other friends, but it ceased to matter to him. He had someone to play games with and talk to, and he was no longer so bitingly lonely. With Bakura's powers, they could right the small wrongs of the world. It was an attempt to right one of said wrongs, however, which landed Ryou in the infirmary of Pegasus' castle with, as the nurses called it, "his hand shoved an extraordinary amount of the way up his ass."

In a less painful part of the castle, Yuugi and his friends had entered—each with ten Star Chips.

"Congratulations on getting ten Star Chips," said Pegasus' right-hand man, Mr. Crockets. "Come right this way to the dining hall, where you'll meet the other semi-finalists."

"Thanks, old man," Yuugi said. Honda and Jonouchi chuckled.

Yuugi led the others into the dining room, hand firmly on Mai's ass. Mr. Crockets watched them walk into the hall, eyebrow raised. At the dining table, Yuugi found Pegasus and Cyndia sitting at the head of the table, and Bandit Keith sitting at the other end. Bandit Keith perked up at the sight of Mai.

"I'd like to sex that up!" exclaimed Bandit Keith, pointing.

Mai sat down in the seat next to him. She said, "You couldn't handle me. I need a _real_ man."

"That's right!" said Yuugi, hopping onto her lap.

"Well, Yuugi Mutou," said Pegasus, smiling. "I heard you beat Seto Kaiba!"

"That's a lie!" Yuugi exclaimed, defensively. "You can't prove it—he fell down the stairs, didn't he boys?"

Honda and Jonouchi nodded, murmuring something about him falling down the stairs again real soon if he tells anyone else about it.

"Actually, I meant that you defeated him in a duel…" Pegasus said, nervously.

"Oh, yeah," Yuugi responded. "I did. What's it to you, Whitey?"

"Whitey?" asked Pegasus raising an eyebrow. "Well, I just… thought it was interesting. I mean, very impressive."

"Oh yeah. I'm a bad ass," Yuugi said, sipping his soup. "Ayee! It's hot! …Mai, you're good at blowing. Cool it down for me, babe."

Pegasus frowned. "Uh, yes…" he said, looking at Cyndia.

"Is anyone interested in where we got the idea for Duel Monsters?" Cyndia asked, to alleviate the awkwardness.

Hesitantly, Bandit Keith raised his hand, though no one else seemed even slightly interested.

"Yes, well, since you're all so very intrigued, I'll tell you," said Pegasus, clearing his throat. Yuugi rolled his eyes as Pegasus began to speak.

"Cyndia and I were on our semi-bi-monthly trip—this time, to Egypt," he told them.

"Semi-bi-monthly?" muttered Yuugi, looking up at Mai. She shrugged.

"It was in Egypt that we stumbled upon an ancient tomb," Pegasus continued proudly. "It was kept by an interesting man, who wore all sorts of gold jewellery. His name was… uh…" (Here he looked to Cyndia, who only shook her head.) "Well, his name escapes me at the moment, but he was really quite nice. He lead us to some tablets—"

"What's that?" asked Honda, pointing to the Sennen Eye over the mantle.

"Ah, that," said the billionaire, fondly. "The same man gave it to me when we were in the tomb. It's called the Sennen Eye—a solid gold orb, supposedly magical. It's worth about… Oh, I don't know, maybe six or seven million dollars at auction. I'd never sell though—it reminds me of my trips with my darling wife, whom I hope never mysteriously gets murdered in the middle of the night in my own home."

He and Cyndia shared a loving look for a moment, linking hands. Yuugi mimed to Jonouchi just how crazy he thought their host, and the blonde nodded his agreement, before miming just how big he thought Cyndia's breasts were.

"Now," Pegasus said. "Returning to my long, dry narrative about the origin of Duel Monsters…"

"Ah, this is boring," Yuugi said. He nudged Mai. "Let's go, Babe. I'm gonna go 'sleep' for a while, guys."

He stood up and, Mai beside him, exited the room. Pegasus frowned, then turned back to the others. "You all still are interested, though, right?"

"Nah," Jonouchi said.

"We never really were to begin with," Honda told him.

"I was," Bandit Keith said. "But now I'm just bored…"

"But I am interested in seeing if there are any naked pictures of _you_ around here," Honda said, pointing to Cyndia.

"Oh, my!" gasped the woman.

"Oh, get out of my sight!" Pegasus said, shaking his fist at the boy. "And hopefully I'll be able to stand the sight of you tomorrow."

Honda shrugged and got up from the table. Jonouchi followed after him, chuckling, and nudging him in the ribs. Bandit Keith looked around and, after a moment of awkward silence, asked, "Are there naked pictures, though?"

"Urgh!" Pegasus said, disgusted.

"I'll take that as a no," Bandit Keith said, and then, somewhat sheepishly, crept from the room.

"I guess that's what we get for expecting anyone who spends all their time playing children's card games to be mature," Cyndia said disapprovingly. Pegasus nodded.

#

At night when the castle was dark and silent, Yuugi crept from his room. He walked along the shadowy halls, back to the spacey dining room, eyes glinting greedily. Slowly and cautiously, he approached the Eye over the mantle. He grasped it in his hand, and saw the light from the moon catch on its golden surface.

"Jackpot!" he whispered to himself.

Suddenly, Cyndia entered from a pair of double doors to the right of the fireplace.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she saw him. "Why do you have the Sennen Eye?"

"Uh, I…" Yuugi stammered. "Die, Bitch!"

He grabbed the Sennen Puzzle hanging around his neck and smashed it into Cyndia's head. With a shocked gasp, she fell on the floor. He hit her again, until the bone crushed beneath the weight of the item, and blood oozed up out of her skull, staining the beige carpet underfoot. The initial thud of Cyndia hitting the ground startled Bakura, and he had found his way into the room from the infirmary as Yuugi murdered the young American woman.

"What the—Yuugi, what are you doing?" said Bakura, arm in sling.

"Murdering the witness to my theft!" Yuugi said. "And now that you've seen me…"

Pegasus entered. "What's all the racket—Holy Crap!"

"I know, Mr. Crawford!" Yuugi said quickly, tossing the Sennen Eye behind him and hiding his bloodied puzzle in his jacket. "I caught Bakura stealing the Eye and murdering Cyndia, and I tried to stop him, but it was too late!"

"What?" said Bakura. "But—you're not going to believe that, right? He's covered in blood!"

"From trying to stop _you_!"

"It does vaguely make sense," Pegasus said.

"Oh, I can't believe this!" spat Bakura. "I mean, look at me—I've only got one arm!"

"Look, I don't know which one of you did this, but," stammered Pegasus. "Just, get out! Both of you! Get off my island!"

He turned away, and Yuugi quickly grabbed the eye and ran out. Bakura, with an exasperated sigh, hurried off as well. He stood there, quietly sobbing as the sun streaking the eastern sky pink. Finally, he half turned around to look at the body of his beloved.

"Oh," he murmured. "She's _so_ dead…"


End file.
